Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
zippers are such a cool invention
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
