Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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