I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We got so high we made milksteak
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
