This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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