Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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