"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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