new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
