rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
