hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
