You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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