I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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