wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
