3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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