So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
