if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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