obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
