i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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