the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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