It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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