Porn is love you can see.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
