Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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