Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
