i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
