How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you made out with another girl for some wings
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
