I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
