I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
