Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
