1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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