i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
there is glitter all over my balls
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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