Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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