This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
