I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
