This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
