he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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