I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize
