The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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