just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
