i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
