alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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