I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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