dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
