Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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