I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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