Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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