I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
