when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
