FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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