i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
