No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They took my balls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
