Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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