I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
