im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
