Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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