Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
