So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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