grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
