oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
