i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
