Plan B is the new Plan A
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
