I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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