thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
